My girls are soo great. When I get frustrated with them I just have to remember how sweet they can be and things seem to feel better.

This is a real recent pic of them.

It has been a while!

Man my life is soo dang busy now. I barely have time to get on here and take care of the things that are important, let alone do the fun stuff. lol But I wanted to do an update on how I was doing and how my job is and my family and such.

My job is going pretty good. I love teaching the 2 yr olds. I do nto love however this 4 month old baby boy that we took on a few weeks ago. He is a nursing, spoiled, colicky little brat!!!!!! He drives all of us crazy over there. And many times I have heard my bosses say they were going to boot him but then he is still there the next day with no sign of him leaving. Now do not get me wrong. I really do love babies in general. I have 3 girls and always enjoyed the baby stage. But this baby is soo colicky at times its nuts. You hold him he cries. You rock him he cries. And you know that he was just fed and changed. i have never had to deal with a baby like this. So for me this is hard. But I am doing the best I can with it. Eventually either he will get better or he will be gone. Oh but when he smiles and talks he is very cute.

So how am I doing? Well the past few weeks I have been pretty stressed out about work things and financial things. But I am trying to over come that. Emotionally I have been pretty messed up too. I have been having some pretty big mood swings. My husband is noticing that most of them are directed at him which makes me sad at myself. I just am not sure what to do about them either. I have been trying to talk to Aaron about them but it only goes soo far. And I don't feel comfortable with anyone else here to share my inermost feelings. Its sooo hard right now.

I just woke up from a dream where I was arguing with Jesse and Tara about the fact that I say "NO" to the kids at preschool to often. They wanted me to start taking the time to say thing like "not right now" or whatever was appropriate for the situation. And I was saying that "NO" should be enough. So we were arguing and I was getting madder and madder to the point that I really wanted to just leave and I could tell they wanted the same. But yet I was pleading with them for understanding and another chance to prove that I can change and will do what they want. And the whole time there was this other woman there. Much younger with black curly hair. She was not anyone that I knew at all. I got the feeling that she was a new employee. And she was shouting "Get out!" and calling me names. I kept telling her to leave and that she had no part of this. And then Jesse and Tara would get mad that I was talking to her like that. In the end I did convince them to let me stay for another chance. But nothing was the same.

Waking up from this dream has made me scared that when Jesse and Tara's new employees start they are going to realize that I might not be someone they want working there anymore. It has bothered me ever since they said they were hiring a part time person to assist me in the infant/toddler room. And frankly I think it is stupid that I do feel this way. I know that they like me and the work that I have been doing so far. I know what areas I do need to improve in and every day I work toward improving that. I just wish that I was more assured of myself. I am always thinking that others think bad of me some how. And it makes me strive to do more for other people, which I know is a good thing. But when and how can I start to feel that I am enough for the things I need to do?? I just want these feeling of inadequacy gone from me. But then I am sure that there are a lot of people the feel the same way as I do.

Man, this world is soo messed up!!

I just do not understand this additude that the world has about marriage. I just found out today that a friend that got married a year or so ago is getting divorced. Not because they are having any big issues, just because they are not happy in thier marriage. We went to thier wedding. At the daycare we just got a new baby and the mom told us that the dad could not pick up the baby because they are in the middle of a divorce and he is not a good dad. The baby is 4 months old. The worst divorce I have been hearing abotu is one of my best friends who got married a year before my hubby and I did. hey struggled with living arrangements, money, and having children. My friend had just had twins and 6 months after they where born my friend found out that her husband was not being honest to her and possibly not faithful to her also. So she was forced to file for a divorce, even though she still loved him and truely hoped they could work it out.

Aaron and I have had our share of problems and issues in the past and I am sure we are going to have more in the future. And when i look back it makes me sad when there were those times that I threatened divorce with him. I do not think that even with all that we have been through that we will ever have to resally and truely go through a divorce to make things better. Divorce does not always make things better.

Still soo hard some times.

It soo hard to raise kids sometimes. What am I saying its hard all the time. If its not one thing its another. And it is soo hard to not feel like a failure when your child does not seem to develope in the normal range as everyone else. Right now I am refering to my middle daughter Cherise. She has been struggling with bowel problems ever since she was 2 years old. She is now 5 and still does not use the bathroom like she should. She was suppost to start kindergarten this year but with bowel problems still and the lack of maturity i see in her we have decided that we are going to hold her back this year. Instead she is going to go to the preschool I work at where they have kindergarten type lessons. But really all of this makes me feel like i did not succeed as well as I should have as a parent. When I look back at the bowel problem there are definate times I could have done better. The maturity problem mostly stems (I think) from the bowel problem. But I do know that it is for the best that she stay behind this year. It is better then sending her to school and having her not succeed. And she should be ready fr school next year.

Scary Scary Morning!!

At 6:15 a.m., about 45 mintues before our alarm was set to go off. We heard the door bell ring. My husband and I were confused as he got up to answer the door. We never get someone at our house this early. As I listen from the bedroom to hear who it is I hear my middle daughter Cherise (5) crying. I realized that she had gotten outside. And I am still listening i hear my husband talking and I picture him talking to a police officer who was returning my daughter. But that was not the case. It was just Cherise. How did this happen I am asking myself as my husband come back with our crying daughter.

So my husband and I start asking Cherise why she went outside. Her first answer is that she wanted to go swimming. Well that is wierd since we do not have a pool or a yard or anything outside of our apartment. But she had her swim shoes on. So we talk some more and she tells us that she was locked out and thats why she rang the door bell. She only unlocked the bolt lock not the door nob lock. I am glad she knew enough to ring the bell. ANd then her final reason for going outside was that she wanted to blow bubbles. She does not even have any bubbles right now.

Well it scard the heck out of us and we are not exactly sure why or how to prevent it from happening agian but we are looking into it. i am hoping to get advise from friends and family.

I am teaching!!

yes I have young minds that I will be molding come this september. I will be teaching the 2 yr olds at the preschool i work for. i am soo excited about it. I have a whole curriculam and get to plan lessons and everything. I even have my own room that I can do everything in. I also have to watch the babies for the most part while teaching so it may take some time to get in a groove with that but I think I can handle it. I allready have everything for the most part planned up to November. I will keep you posted on how it is going. Wish me Luck!!

My friend Kelli and her son where mentioned in their local news paper. It was really awesome to hear about it and to see a cute picture of her son. I am sooo glad that she is working as hard as she can to make things not only better for herself and her son but for others in her situation.

Her son has autism and it has been such a struggle for her to feel like she has made progress with him. And when she moved to a new town she was worried about what kind of support system she would have there for this and now she along with other moms are creating a great one from the sounds of it. I am soo proud of her and happy for her.

Here is the article she shared with me:


http://www.tooeletranscript.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=15593&Itemid=

isn't her sone just the cutest. lol I think soo!!

Cherise, Cherise, Cherise

She is my middle daughter. Her look on life is so comical. She makes us and others laugh at her views, but not because they are silly but they way she states. And to think she is ony 5 years old. I can not wait till she gets older so that I can tell her all the funny things she has said as a child.

Just this morning we were talking about my husband dead grand father. She saw a picture of him so she wan ted to know about where he is and when he was comming back. I told her he is with God and that he would come back when Christ does. So she asked me "When is Christ comming back? Is he comming on Saturday??" Oh man she makes me laugh.

There are so many other things that just make her soo cute. She talks in a sweet voice most of the time. She loves to out of the blue say "Mom your beautiful" or "Mom your boobs are big". LOL She is great. I don't know what I would do with out her.

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life." Boyd K. Packer

This makes me feel a bit better. :)