Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Still soo hard some times.

It soo hard to raise kids sometimes. What am I saying its hard all the time. If its not one thing its another. And it is soo hard to not feel like a failure when your child does not seem to develope in the normal range as everyone else. Right now I am refering to my middle daughter Cherise. She has been struggling with bowel problems ever since she was 2 years old. She is now 5 and still does not use the bathroom like she should. She was suppost to start kindergarten this year but with bowel problems still and the lack of maturity i see in her we have decided that we are going to hold her back this year. Instead she is going to go to the preschool I work at where they have kindergarten type lessons. But really all of this makes me feel like i did not succeed as well as I should have as a parent. When I look back at the bowel problem there are definate times I could have done better. The maturity problem mostly stems (I think) from the bowel problem. But I do know that it is for the best that she stay behind this year. It is better then sending her to school and having her not succeed. And she should be ready fr school next year.


Kelli said...

YOu can't blame yourself for problems with her physical body that you cannot control. The fact of the matter is that the average thing to happen is that kids learn to go on their own. But since we all don't have that "average" situation, there will be times when your life does not look average. God created us all with different personalities and different struggles. I think you are so strong to deal with this. It is truly hard when your child does not develop the way you thought they would. I understand that for sure. But I also know that we learn so much love and compassion through that experience. We are not as quick to judge others and we have a little more love in our hearts than those with the "perfect" child ;)

I think you made the best decision for your child because you love her and looked after Her best interest. Hang in there, you are doing great!!!

love ya,

Lisa said...

I just discovered your blog and took some time to read your posts. Your middle daughter reminded me of my second son (he's nearly 13 now) when you describe her imagination and creativity, and ability to explain things that make complete sense to her (very out of the box). All of my kids are "gifted", but he tests very high in the creative gifted categories. He also has maturity issues. And I was flabbergasted when I got to this post, because he also had bowel issues. The issue for him was withholding, and not going for days, and we'd have to remind him, cajole him, threaten him to go, and when he finally did, his BM would be so huge, it would be painful (starting the cycle all over again). Part of it was control on his part; his bowel movements were the only thing he felt he had control over. Instead of laxatives, we gave him mineral oil every day, along with a healthy (lots of fruits/veggies) diet. This would make his BM's so slippery that he couldn't hold them. As he got older, he was responsible for extra scrubbing on his underwear. He is much better now, especially since he has responsibilities around the home (small chores). But oh the years when he would walk around smelling like crap, and he would swear that he couldn't smell just never made any sense to me.

He still drives me nuts with other issues. For instance, he will do his homework, and then not turn it in. He always has missing assignments. He should be getting straight A's, but he gets C's because of all his missing assignments! But his test scores are always at the top levels, so I have to let him be who he is. His passion is drawing, and that is where he puts all his energy and motivation.

On some level, too, I think being the "middle" child also contributes. It's a way to get attention, even if it was negative attention.

Anyway, I just want you to know you are not alone. If possible, you should look into some of the gifted programs in your area. They probably don't test kids until they are older, but you can look up the website for the National Association of Gifted Children at for more information on giftedness. There is something called "asynchronous development" which many gifted kids appear to go through, it basically means being at many different ages/levels of development at once.

Good luck to you!