Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Lost in the quest of friendship

The thought that I am soon going to have to say goodbye to one of my closest friends has been on my mind alot lately. She is going to be moving and making a better life for her and her family and I am extrememly happy for her in that aspect. But I am very sad and scared for her and I at the same time. We have helped each other through some pretty tough times. Been there to cry with or laugh with or vent too. She has helped me to become a better wife and mother. She has taught me how to remain strong and stand up to those that I have not stood up too. She has been there to help me through many situations as I have for her. And I know that she will move on and make more friends and possibly find one that she can be close to like me (actually I hope she can so she can have someone to lean on there too). But I am really struggling to figure out who here will I now be leaning on.

I lean on my husband allready for so much but there is only so much that he can cure in me. I need a female companion who understands the dang mood swings and the urges to just hit people. I need someone else to gripe to about the cashier that gave me a hard time or the Dr. that just does not listen. I need someone to give me clarity when I am mad at the world.

I am afraid I do not make friends very well. And I am discovering that since we have movd to a college town i am becoming even more hesitant to becoming too close to someone for fear that they are going to move on also. I guess I have a hard time with the thought that I should just appreciate the friends I have for as long as I have them close to me. It is soo tempting to just ask my husband to find a job in the same city she is moving too. But this is not an option right now. I guess I just need to start figuring out how I can make new friends agian.

I hope that my friend will beable to come visit often!!!


Kelli said...

I will miss our friendship so much. But I will still call to chat all the time and talk with you on messenger. We are a lot closer now than we ever once were so we can still feel comfortable calling one another. Because I too will still need someone to gripe to about rude people and doctors that don't listen and kids that pee their pants all the time ;) I''m excited too that we'll have our blogs to leave messages on and we can respond to them.

I'm so proud of you and how much you have grown over the last years. You have been the most Christ-like friend I have ever had in my life. I truly mean that. You are willing to give your heart sincerely to friendship and be honest and I'm very blessed to have you as a friend. I love you!

lavender & sage said...

Thank you Kelli.