~~ I just don't know if this is worth it ~~

Well as you know I have a new job at a preschool. Well i take my kids with me and so I have to pay for a portion of the costs for that. And so because I have a new job and all we make too much money to get state help anymore. Which is really bad because I so not actually make that much money yet at my new job. So now we get no food money and the medical for my girls is gone. And I am afraid we will lose our rent help too. I might be making more money next month but i do not know if it is enough to cover the loss of all of the financial help. So as it stands right now I do not know if me working this job is worth it. We do not want to have to rely on the state for financial help anymore but we also do not want to be short in food at the end of the month because I am not actually making what they think I am. The people at the preschool are being great about it. They even gave me a $25 dollar bonus in my last paycheck because they want me to stick around. And I do love this job so I want to stick around too. But not at the expense of our finaces. We still have a lot of bills even though we have done a bankruptcy. And with this new development we may not beable to get them paid. And there goes any hope of having any kind of second car to help with the crazy schedule during the school year. It is going to take a lot of praying to find out what to do about this.

My grandfather

I only have ever known one grandfather in my life. He is a quiet man. He always seemed happy. He loved to have us visit I think. I know that he loved to take things apart and put them back together. He loves to keep everything he has ever owned. He has a collection of comic books and National Geographics in the reckroom that as kids we always looked through. He used his tools to make the neatest things. One thing I remember he made was a big wagon to haul stuff in. And he would take us for rides in it. That was fun. He has a collection of license plate on his reckroom front. I think that is pretty neat. He is always willing to help out his family and neighbors. I wish that I knew a bit more about him.

His health is failing. He has been diagnosed with alzhiemers. He falls alot so my granny has to stay with him all the time now. So she only gets out when my Uncle is there to help. I feel sad about this. He lead such a good and full life that I wish this was not the way he started to go. He can no longer take things apart because he can't remember how to put them back together. I am sure that is hard for him. And this has to be real hard on my granny because she sees everyday how much he is slipping away. She is a strong woman but I wonder how much of that strength comes from having him by her. I worry about how she will do when he is gone. And my dad is very close to him too. I am sad for him. I know this is going to be hard on him. Our family (my mom and dad) have not had to deal with alot of death, atleast for most of my life time. So it makes me wonder how this is going to effect them.

~~**Small Town**~~

OK so I have known for some time that I lived in a small college town but it did not really hit me till today. As a family we went to the local farmers market and met up with my brother and his girlfriend. We walked around for a bit and it was cool to see all the stuff they were selling.

I wished that I had kept up with my necklace making and had ventured out to sell them there. BUt that is a thought I will save for another not so busy time in my life.

So anyway after we hung out at the farmers market for some time we then went to a play at an art gallery. It was "School House Rock Live!" It was a very cute play. We sat on the gallery's hard wood floor to watch and the girls loved it. BUt I think that thing that was impressive was the amount of people that were there. The only reason we heard about it was because of my brother's girlfriend. It seemed that alot of people knew about it. And afterward as we were going back to our car I just realized how many people were out on this beautiful Saturday just wondering around town. Gazing through windows, Chatting with friends, and just generally getting out. it had the total small town feel. That was the first time in the 4 years we have lived here that I really realized that this town has a great atmosphere but is not really that small of a town.

ok it is just too hot here...I mean come on. Lets get some cooler weather going on here. lol. And I think the worst thing about this for me, is that the hottest weather happened on the weekend. I work all week in an air conditioned building with some occational outside work. But at home we do not have A/C so I would honestly rather be working now instead of sitting at home lol. But thats ok we are going to go to the new play place at the mall and let the kids have fun and then possibly going to a friends house to go swimming. Have to do what you can to survive in this heat wave.

Walmart changes its shoplifting policies

http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/archives/2006/07/wal-mart_to_allow_petty_shoplifting/


Ha ha ha...They are just asking people to come and steal from them. LOL Well I hope this does not bite then in the butt.

Good article--Must read!!

Madison Hair adventures!! LOL

Before haircut

After hair cut

About 7 or 8 months ago Maddy my 3 year old decided it would be fun to cut her hair off. This was such a devistating thing for me because her hair was the only one of the 3 girls that was actually curly like mine. Well I posted some pictures of her back then of before and after.

But why is this so important to me now?? Well I noticed yesterday that it seems to be going back to curly agian. I am very excited. All I want is one girl to ave my curly hair. So hopefully she will have that. I will post a pic of her now as soon as I get a good one.

Post Secret

I discovered this great site that I love to go to each week. I have to warn you that I have seen some foul language on this site (not all the time though) so do not enter if you offend easily. But its a great place to see that people have secrets just as you do and I personally have thought of so many things I could send there. But I will be keeping them to myself.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

I found this one today...

Kinda wierd that today I would find one that is realted to my life.

Great book for those with husband problems

http://books.google.com/books?id=mTu_BWx-JrMC&printsec=titlepage&dq=proper+care+and+feeding

This book is called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

My friend Kelli let me barrow this book from her when Aaron and i were having some issues. I found this site by accident. It lets you read some of the book before you decide to buy it. I was going to post some of the book but it would not let me lol. So check it out, it is a really good book.

BLAH!!!

You know I think I really should stop comming on here. It starts to make me feel like my life is just soo boring. I look at other peoples blogs and that fact that they have people commenting on thier blog and it seems to be people that care about the blogger. I feel kinda like I don't have many that do care abotu me. Which is sooo ridiculas because I have proof that i have lots of people that care about. UGH I am a dork.

OK so I think I am getting hit hard by my deppression right now. And since I took my meds late today it makes sence. But some of the feelings I am having I know are justified. Ever since I started my new j0b and my friends moved away the only one to show me they still care is my dear hubby, and my mom. I talk to my friends some and my siblings and other folk but I do not get the feeling of caring. And it makes me wonder what am I doing wrong? Am I asking too much?? Am I not reading people right? What? What should i be doing different.

When ever I talk to my friends on the phone I think I dominate the conversation which I know is not right. But I am trying to change that one. But then I find that we run out of things to say which makes me sad. We used to get on the phone and talk, and talk, and talk and always have something to talk about. But now its all different. And yes I know that when people move awya things are going to change, I guess I just did not realize how much.

Well now I am realizing I have to lean harder on the people that are around me. But that is very hard for me to do. I have real trust issues with people. I feel like if I share too much of myself it will get used agienst me. SO I guess that is why I feel the way I do about my friends that moved away. I KNOW that they do not use my feelings or past experiences agienst me. They are the truest of friends. ANd I know that they care. So I am having a hard time finding someone that will be like them.

I gave my true feelings and self to my mother in law when my husband and I were first married and later it really came back to bite me when Aaron and I where having problems. So I think I am very hesitant to share agian because I do not want to regret it later. Its something I need to work on.

The above pictures are from our camping trips that I forgot I wanted to post. The top one is of all of the girls trying to catch bugs to put in thier bug holder. They had alot of fun with those for atleast 20 minutes. lol. The last one is of cherise at night trying to catch a bug. She kept repeating over and over "Come her bug!" in a cute, sweet and after about 10 minutes annoying voice. It was grandpa Gary that put a stop to it after that. lol THey had alot of fun on the trip.