You know I think I really should stop comming on here. It starts to make me feel like my life is just soo boring. I look at other peoples blogs and that fact that they have people commenting on thier blog and it seems to be people that care about the blogger. I feel kinda like I don't have many that do care abotu me. Which is sooo ridiculas because I have proof that i have lots of people that care about. UGH I am a dork.
OK so I think I am getting hit hard by my deppression right now. And since I took my meds late today it makes sence. But some of the feelings I am having I know are justified. Ever since I started my new j0b and my friends moved away the only one to show me they still care is my dear hubby, and my mom. I talk to my friends some and my siblings and other folk but I do not get the feeling of caring. And it makes me wonder what am I doing wrong? Am I asking too much?? Am I not reading people right? What? What should i be doing different.
When ever I talk to my friends on the phone I think I dominate the conversation which I know is not right. But I am trying to change that one. But then I find that we run out of things to say which makes me sad. We used to get on the phone and talk, and talk, and talk and always have something to talk about. But now its all different. And yes I know that when people move awya things are going to change, I guess I just did not realize how much.
Well now I am realizing I have to lean harder on the people that are around me. But that is very hard for me to do. I have real trust issues with people. I feel like if I share too much of myself it will get used agienst me. SO I guess that is why I feel the way I do about my friends that moved away. I KNOW that they do not use my feelings or past experiences agienst me. They are the truest of friends. ANd I know that they care. So I am having a hard time finding someone that will be like them.
I gave my true feelings and self to my mother in law when my husband and I were first married and later it really came back to bite me when Aaron and I where having problems. So I think I am very hesitant to share agian because I do not want to regret it later. Its something I need to work on.