Sunday, December 30, 2007

Reflection time

Well with the new year comming I thought I would take some time to reflect on this past year.

Our family lkjjkll;lkj'a

ManI like to BS alot. lol OK so for real I am just sad that I am not near my best friends. ANd knowing that we had a small chance to go down there and we did not do it kinda makes me sad. But at the same time Aaron is making more money and we have developed some good friends here.

We have stopped going to church. I just do not feel like we belong there anymore. I believe in everything the church stands for and all but I just don't feel like I fit into our ward. Even Aaron feels that same way. That is unfortunatly why Kayla has not gotten baptised yet. We just haven't been connected to anyone there and so us not going made it hard to arrange her baptism. I told our families that is was because of the weather and how busy we are but that is only a small part.

We told our girls we woud go today but I still don't feel like going. I don't really know what to do to feel like I want to go either.

4 comments:

Kelli said...

I have been there before big time. When we were living in Tooele Jeremy was working two sundays out of the month. The other two Sundays he didn't feel like going. I was in the nursery with Gabe, we had Sacrament last. That meant two hours with little kids and my crazy crabby...often running away son and then another blessed hour of fighting my kids alone in sacrament. It was so hard. The more I stayed home, the easier it was to keep staying home and I felt less and less like going. I didn't have any friends in the ward really even after being there for over six months. I remember feeling so alone like nobody cared about me there so and it was such a struggle, so why go. I still tried to go for the simple fact that I knew the purpose for me going was to worship the Lord and show him that I would try to keep his commandments and hope that he would help me out somehow.

For us, we eventually moved into another ward where it was still kind of a struggle. Then we moved again and now we are in a ward where we have felt very warmly welcomed. I know it is a really hard thing to figure out. I feel for you...seriously I do. I'll be praying for you that things will improve.

Just make sure you know why you were going in the first place. If you have a strong enough reason then it can carry you through, but if you have lost that reason, or it was never really there in the first place, then maybe you gotta evaluate where you are at and try to find out what you really value and believe in.

I Love you. Just let go of the family opinions. You need to feel comfortable and right about what you are doing before you do something. It isn't good to just do something because it is socially or culturally acceptable, especially in matters of spirituality. Hang in there and don't cut yourself off from a God who loves you very much and wants to bless you. He doesn't hate you because you don't go to church. He wants to be there for you through this time.

I hope these words don't annoy you. You can take them to heart as they were given from the heart or throw them out the window. Just wanted to offer a voice of support and understanding. I too have been there. Love ya,

Kel

spaceyhawks said...

I am going to second everything that kelli says. Not just because I am her sister, but because I one watched her go through that in Tooele, and two I am really struggling with the ward I am in right now myself. I have never felt as awkward as I do right now when I walk into Sacrament meeting, not only that but having to walk in by myself right now because Josh works in the mornings. I know that the Lord is watching out for you and I know He knows our struggles. Kelli said it perfectly when she said "forget about the family opinions and worry about you needing to feel comfortable and right about what you are doing before you do something." thank goodness she has the gift of words. ;-) Just know that I am here for support and love, and a little of understanding. I know that you will make the right decisions for whatever needs to be done for you and your family. You are strong!! I know this! You are a wonderful and loved person!
Love you!

The Lone Tree said...

Thank you girls soo much for that. I am trying to make sure I go for the right reasons. I am really hoping we can start over in this bew year.

The Lone Tree said...

Thank you girls soo much for that. I am trying to make sure I go for the right reasons. I am really hoping we can start over in this bew year.