Content

Feeling pretty content right now with life. :)

Bad dreams and little sleep

I just had a dream that I was mean to my assistant at work and made her cry. I hate it. I am not the kind of person that wants to make people cry. I woke up really mad at myself and heard my husband snoring really loud as usual. I could not take that either so I got up around 4:30 again!!! I am so tired of getting up early on the weekends. I want to sleep in. I am not getting much sleep anymore. That's probably why my dreams are so awful.

My middle daughter

I messed my middle daughter up pretty bad as she was growing up. I was a stay at home m going through massive depression and even though I should have known better, I did noted right by her. Thank god I am now better able to handle my emotions most of the time and finally have honest insight in to how to raise and treat kids. I hope that my daughter will have a normal life from here on out. I hope that she knows that I did the best I could with her and that it's not her fault she is the way she is. Wow I have never said that to anyone. Wow

Ugh!! Stress sucks!!

I have an anxious feeling in my body right now. I just got done fighting with my hubby about putting dirty dishes in the dish washer without rinsing them. It's sad that this would stress me out so much. I am tired of fighting with my husband about stupid things. Ugh! The stress of it is stupid.

Tv show addict

I feel as though I am such a waste of space and time. I just sit around watching all the creative shows that people can put out. I do this instead of spending time with my family or cleaning or continuing my education or play around with my dogs or improve my sewing or drawing skills or reading a good or bad book.

There are so many better ways for Me to spend my time, yet I choose to sit on my ass and waste my brain away on other peoples creativity.

I wish I knew how to stop being such a tv addict but it the only thing I truly feel connected to right now. The only thing that can take my mind off of how messed up I feel about myself or my husband or my kids or my job or our finances or my friends or lack of friends right now.

Well anyway I guess some would say that recognizing I have a problem is a step in the right direction but I don't buy it. I think knowing you have a problem and not doing anything about it is terrible.

Work

So last week I only ended up working two days but it was the most stressful I have been at this job ever.  I seriously thought about not going back.  Today however was a very typical Monday and it sailed right by and it was actually enjoyable.  Plus my boss said she is FINALLY going to order the class supplies that I so desperately need to entertain my kiddos.  I am so excited.  Yes she can easily buy me off with fun toys for the kids.  LOL 

Now my assistant is leaving on Dec. 16th to focus on her schooling.  I am extremely nervous about this.  I have been working with her for over a year and we both have gotten into bad habits but we also work so well together.  So I really do need to cut some of my bad habits and be re-excited about my work.  It is hard to do both with out my boss around to ground me though.  I hope she comes back soon. :P

Anniversary

Today is my husbands and mine 13th anniversary. I am still incredibly happy to be married to my man. It has been a trying 13 years but they have been learning experiences. I look forward to many more years with my loving husband. Love you babe? <3

Changes are hard but worth it

I am trying to keep negative thoughts about others out of my head when something does not go the way I would like them too. It is very challenging to do this when you are naturally a negative person, as I am discovering. I did it though tonight. I did not flip out at some change in events tonight. I did not think "god why can't people just work around what I want". As I tend to do. I asked questions first and then expressed in a calm matter what I would like to see happen next time. I am proud of myself for doing this.

Facebook sucks sometimes

I hate when I post something on Facebook and then get no replies or likes. I know it's a minor thing but It makes me feel important when i see that people have read my shared thoughts or what ever. Well that is my thoughts about Facebook.

Cinnamon rolls

I made cinnamon rolls yesterday and they weren't bad. I will have to experiment some with making them gooey next time. I think I am going to make them for the bake sale at my kids school in a couple of weeks.

I enjoy baking when it starts to get colder. And boy did it get colder fast. But then that is what happens when fall hits here.